Something is Brewing on the Horizon (April 2007)

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Something is Brewing on the Horizon (April 2007)

Ever been in a tornado? Experienced a devastating storm? You know, the kind of storm that sucks you in, you have no control over, and takes everything you have but some memories? Cancer was to be my storm.

Hopefully, as you grow older you learn emotions are to be chosen and until you learn that lesson, life can get out of control. My storm began with fear and anger setting in quietly like the beginning of the storm, just a small gust of wind and rain.

Now I needed to tell the key people in my life I had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Telling my daughters was easy, but not so with my mom and to be fair I needed to tell the guy I had just started dating.

I remember calling my mom, and asking her if she was alone and sitting down. She had just lost her oldest brother to pancreatic cancer and I really didn't want to heap more on her at this time. Like myself, she didn't get to pick the time or place to get my news, she was out with friends for dinner. I played it down and let her know it was nothing serious I couldn't handle, but would keep her informed.

Now the man who I had just started dating was handled a little differently. I literal told him to RUN as far away as possible. I thought a smart man would gladly turn and run so he wouldn't have to go through anything. I've got to hand it to him, he told me I was crazy, he wasn't going anywhere.

OK, so I'm thinking this is all good. I've got family and friends support and I'd made the decision, no matter what I'm not doing chemo. Something in my gut just kept telling me the cancer wouldn't kill me but the chemo would. I wasn't going to budge on this either. So, I went to the health/nutrition store and started learning everything I could about nutrition, the bodies immune system and the cancer link. It's amazing the information that is out there that a doctor doesn't know about or won't tell you.

By the time I had my first appointment with the breast surgeon, I had crammed a lot of information into my head and started a whole new regimen of nutrition and eating. No more sugar because cancer and sugar are best friends. Lots of vegetables, anti-oxidants, and fish. No processed foods. I thought "OK, this doctor is going to be glad I've been so pro-active", but that was not the case.

My daughters were with me in the examining room when I first met my breast surgeon. She looked professional and personable, and I liked that she was straight forward with her questions. After she did her examination is when it got interesting.

Breast Surgeon, "When did you first recognize the lump?".
Me, "Just a couple of weeks ago."
Surgeon, "Was it there last month?"
Me, "No, I think I would have noticed something this big."
Surgeon, "You need to start chemo immediately. Something that large in a month is aggressive". WHOA! She just said the other C word and I about fell off the table.
Me, "No chemo, never. It will kill me! Can't we operate and get this out of me?" Surgeon "Sure, but chemo first might shrink the tumor". I'm thinking you just blew it sister, you said might.
Me, "No chemo, what type of operation would be the best?"
Surgeon, "I think we could do a lumpectomy and be able to save the breast providing I can get clean margins."
Me, "OK, let me think about it and I'll let you know."

During the drive home to Killeen from Waco, I pretty much ranted about everything. My daughters and I went over and over everything, but a decision wasn't really reached. How do you make a decision like this without gathering information or discussing it? I didn't have a clue.

So the winds of my storm were starting to get a little stronger, because deep down I was angry and getting more angry. How did this get missed at my one and only mammogram? Couldn't I just live one year without a huge issue happening? There is no way in hell I'm doing chemo! And on and on the tornado in my brain began to spin.

A few days later, I just got home from work, when I got a call from the a lady from the American Cancer Society. "Would I like to talk to someone who has had a mastectomy, so I'll know what to expect when I have mine?" What? Who told this women I was having a mastectomy when I didn't even know myself what I was going to do! Now, I'm even madder. Come to find out my surgeon had informed the local office. American Cancer lady was very persistent that I would need this support. I was so angry by this time, I can't even tell you how I ended this conversation.

This storm was gathering speed fast. . .